A Haiku

A Haiku for my weekend.

Three days with my sibs.

Hole in my nose three times through.

A llama for all.

 I have always wanted my nose pierced. It's something that I used to say, well if i weren't mormon I would definitely get my nose pierced! Tuck knew it, even my mom knew it. Five months after leaving the church I felt like it was time. I felt enough time had passed to be resepectful... (to whom I was trying to respect i dunno). I kept trying to wait it out longer. I didn't want people to judge me. My actions. And then relate those actions to my decision to leave the church. I didn't want people to treat me differently. I didn't want people to think I was seeking attention, or just rebelling. I even worried a bit how my kids would react. It's something so minor to other people, but for me it was a big thing... yet not a big deal at all! Then Tucker and I were having a conversation and of course he says the obvious.. who cares. Who cares what other people think. People will always make assumptions. You gotta do you. I love him. Because in that moment he was telling me the exact lines I tell my kids. 

I realized I just had to do it. Because that's what I wanted to do. That's it. I wanted to pierce my nose. That moment of clarity was enough that I made the decision. I got a referral from my cousin. I told my sister that after I picked her up from the airport she was coming with me straight there. I committed. Because I wanted to. And I can do whatever I well please. 

Lucky me though, got to be pierced three times. Three. Times. Apparently my nose is "unique" inside and has a stubborn ridge that kept making the piercing the wrong angle. But third times a charm and I loved it. And I also loved the discount they gave me because of it. I'll be downgrading to the smallest stud size when its all healed. And I cannot wait. 

With my sister was in town and my oldest brother out of prison, that made all four of us Hope siblings in town together. So we got together with our Peruvian cousins and all got matching llama tattoos by my beautiful talented and selfless cousin Eryka. There was no better time and place for my first tattoo, surrounded by my brothers and sister. My amazing supportive husband. And my rad cousins. I have to admit i was nervous picking a spot to put my amazing llama. I'm a very indecisive person so this was quite the task for me. But I found a nice little home for my llama on the side of my wrist. And a bonus was this small of a tattoo in that location did not hurt as bad as that bloody nose piercing!  Can I just say too, my llama is the most beautiful llama I've ever seen. I'm forever grateful for my cousins to share it with.

I'm still me. I haven't gone off the deep end. I am not lost. I am me. I am doing the things I've always wanted to do, but had to suppress. And doing these things make me happy. I feel like I am becoming me. In a new light. The person that was buried. I feel free. 

And I hope those that truly know me and love me, will see that. But I am also realistic that even people who think know me.. or even really do know me... may still pull away and choose to think differently of me. And I'm working on being okay with that.

But... as Weezer would say..

"If you don't like it, you can shove it. But you don't like it, you love it."