Babies- going going gone

 

[for the record. I love my kids and enjoy my life with them. I'm not looking for advice here hahah. Just getting out my thoughts and feelings.]

   Everyone around me, around my age, are either having their first baby or they are in the middle of the baby toddler phase. Its the phase of the baby chub, blabber, and just baby magic! It's an amazing time. And I find myself looking at all these pictures and posts longing for that time. And feeling like I am a horrible mother. HA! They are these happy moms who are just in love with their phase their in. Which is amazing. It really is. I was there once guys. But I was a teen mom, and even though I KNOW that and the fact I got started early- I'm still so shocked by the difference of our "mom lives" right now.
   Cause here's where I am now.
    My oldest child turns 10 this summer. My youngest babe turns 2 this spring. Scatter some sassy emotional 8 year old and some of that evolving 4 year old. I'm done for. I am not in that lovey dovey heart eyes stage. No. They all have their unique challenges (and joys of course) and it has me wasted on the couch by 4:00.
   The fighting is hard core. There's no blood... yet. But there might as well be with all the screaching Lafe does and cruel talking and yelling Beck throws down.
Sometimes I think .. what the hell am I doing?! How did this happen?! Why are they so big? Why do they hate me?!? and WILL THEY EVER STOP FIGHTING?? and finally.. Does it get better?
   It just seems at times to be so dang hard! While we're at it.. I'm just going to go ahead and get this off my chest. Ever since I had my first boy, I thought ... " Noooooo the awkward boy years! " You know the ones. Boys!! ages 9-14... BOYs! I have a pretty great older boy. But that boy phase is a real thing. And we are in it. And I bite my tongue a lot.
   Maybe it's the whole span of ages I have with my kids. The screaching 2 year old with the sassy 8 year old. But then again, I've surprisingly loved the different aspect the age gaps have brought.
   Maybe this is just life. Life goes on and gets busy and crazy and personalities develop and kids grow! Who knew!
   Maybe we all get to this point in motherhood. I think so.
   Maybe I need to remember that I had my time with that precious phase. No other obligations. Just toddlers and babies. I had that. And time is taking us on a journey now to our new phases. And it kinda feels like a new phase every other month.

   Last night my oldest two were playing M.A.S.H. Hilarious. I just stayed in the next room and listened in on their giggles and secrets of who they like. When I finally came in they wanted to do the M.A.S.H to me. Beck was adamant about Tucker being the only option for husband. Thank you Beck. Aside from that, they did it all traditional style. And I got every single thing right on to what my life is right now.
   Married to Tucker, live in a house, drive a Honda, and have 4 kids.
   The kids died.
   "It was Riiiiiiiight!"
   This phase of older kids does have its perks.

   I will ride it out and smile more during the fights. Laugh at the elementary age jokes. And thank my lucky stars I have 4 beautiful healthy kids who are learning and growing, and I get the privilege of watching it all.