Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Bring on the Fall, please.

Beck Alan, Oregon Coast 2009, taken by Gpa Wood

Long time no post. Life has been zooming by.. but I'm glad in a way. Just want to get to Fall.
Lots to look forward to in the Fall
1. Cool weather :)
2. Beck starts soccer
3. Oregon Coast trip
4. Football games
5. Holidays
6. Cooooool weather!!!
Beck continues to play play play, any sport, all sports, all day. Lately he's thrown some volleyball in there too, which I don't mind playin at all. He's super excited about Soccer! He's on a toddlers team. His team is "The Bears". And in all honesty, you have got to hear him say it. The kid still can't get his "r"s right, but I'm not complainin'. its just the cutest thing ever, especially when he talk about soccerrr and the bearrrrs haha. Love him. He is still my cuddly one. loving, kind, funny, (mostly) obedient, and not too crazy.. just crazy about sports.
Arli is my little girl that I always wanted.. except with a few "perks". According to my mom, she is exactly like me when I was little. Well, THAT is a bit worrying. haha. She just is so stubborn.. knows how to defend herself from Beck, but so loving when she wants to be, she doesn't listen.. at all really. Except when I ask her to help me do things.. But when it comes to well.. stomping on the glass coffee table, and i'll say the "1.2.3". she knows when my voice gets a little louder at number 3, its go time. she slams her butt down.. and scoots to the edge.. and sits there. then looks back at me.. smiling. Like its a huge rush for her. haha I sit here and think about it.. and it is pretty hilarious. and sometime I do laugh in the moment. But oh.. most times.. it is THee most frustrating thing Arli or Beck has ever done. The other night.. after telling Tucker how exhausted i am.. and i think its because of Arli's antics, he said .. "i dont remember Beck ever being like that." and i go "Nope.. he wasn't... " and thing Bingooo! The light went on. I remember asking Kim one time what Tucker was like when he was little and she said he was such a good boy.. sweet.. just a GOOD boy. Um hello Beck :) It is so funny how these little ones' personalities start to come out. My Arlitude is still my favoritest little girl ever :)
Today I made a conscious effort to talk more nicely to her when shes doing naughty things. I don't want my little girl to be somehow scarred hahah. oh my. But I did do this today.. and it made a world of difference. Everytime she did something.. I just remembered.. she's still my sweetness of a girl.. just a adventurous, risk-taking, independent, stubborn one :) . I found I wasn't even exhausted by bedtime. Like i usually am... wishing bathtime and bedtime would roll around at only 6 pm. She even cuddled with me today.. tugged at my knees.. and held her hands up.. I held her as she lay her head on my shoulder.. and she did so for five minutes.. then i walked around.. expecting her to want to get down.. but she continued. She is quite the girl.. something else! But she throws some spice and trouble in our daily lives.
Tuck and I are pretty blessed. It is so easy for me to see all of our blessings.. every day I see, and acknowledge so much.
Recently I, or we have dealt with a tough experience. I'm not one to go around tellin everyone my problems.. but I found I feel kind of stuck, not mentioning it. This is my blog and all.. so I think i'm allowed. I somehow haven't had the urge to blog.. or urge to get back to normal life until recently. And I think sharing this suits moving on well. We found out I was pregnant in July, the day after Beck's birthday. We were trying, and we were excited I had gotten pregnant fairly quick. I went ahead and scheduled my appointment for two weeks later when I'd be 8 weeks. The week leading up to the appointment I still had no pregnancy symptoms. I thought "Woh!no puking! Strange.. but every pregnancy is different, right?" The appointment arrives. and right away I tell my midwife that I just didn't feel pregnant. So she quickly said, "Well, lets just go ahead and take care of that.. lets see if I can get you and ultrasound" I was feeling a bit weird, strange, apprehensive. I didn't mean to blurt it out and then get a quick reaction. reassurance maybe? Turns out.. they think I'm maybe 2 or 3 weeks behind then they had thought, judging by the size of the sac. But i could tell my midwife was concerned when she quickly led us back to the room, and told us, there was no sight of anything in the sac. but it could be its just too early to tell, but to possibly expect a miscarriage. We were scheduled to go back 2 weeks later.. The feeling after that appointment was pretty new to me. It was sad, confusing, but maybe theres nothing to worry about feeling. As the second appointment got closer.. I had lots of thoughts and feelings that it was going to be bad news in the end. and I prepared myself for that. I just knew. And I became okay with it. I came to the conclusion with Heavenly Father's help, that I have been SO blessed with my two kids I have now. And I know I wanted another baby badly. and to grow my family. but maybe now isn't the right time. We do have a lot of things to work toward. and could use time working toward them before we bring another baby into the family. I really came to peace with that. It will be hard when I see little babies. and I see family friends pregnant and having babies. But its a good thing I don't have to compare myself or "keep up with anyone" :) I have a new focus now. and I feel very right about it.
The next ultrasound confirmed that there was still nothing in the sac. and to definately expect a miscarriage. Even after I had come to all the conclusions.. its hard to hear. and confusing how I should feel. I mean "technically" there wasn't a baby in there. ? But "technically" I am pregnant. and will be going through the aftermath process still.
Thats where the idle weeks came in. Well, lets be honest.. the "idle" weeks came right after the first appointment. But I'm happy to say I am fine. I am great actually. Now. And I have new focuses and goals in my life.
1. to be a better mom.
2. to not just do the routine, make the lunch, so on and so forth. but Be in the moment more with my adorable kids that are growing by the second. I always thought I did this.. but after some idle weeks.. I could really use some catching up.
3. to of course read more of my scriptures and be more in tune.
4. to think positive, read positive things. the mormon messages are always a good one.
5. I have my goal that I want to accomplish to focus my physical energy. Which ... i won't post because.. I hate when I post and don't follow through. So you will just have to see AFTER I accomplish it. and I WILL do it.
6. Go on more dates.. We've been slacking on that department.. No taking your kids out to dinner with you and watching a movie at home.. doesn't count as a date. Hahah.

Life is good.. and I usually don't like when people give me this response. But it is oh so true. :)

8 comments:

Erin Dougal said...

You are so strong Michelle! Hugs!!!

Julie said...

That is difficult news, and you're handling it so well. I'm so sorry.

Dane and Kelsey Pence said...

I LOVE you michelle! your so great i dont know what'd id do with out you!

The Meffords said...

That is not easy to go through. I experienced the same thing with my first baby @ 10 weeks. I realized later that the experience was a blessing. I am so glad you are doing better! You have such cute kids and will have more when the time is right!

Jess and Andrew said...

My dear Michelle, I really do miss you. Your goals are all great and it made me have a light bulb moment of my own. I want to live in the moment when I have kids. Thank you for making me realize that. I know you are already the best mom those goals are great for you. I sure love your face and hope you continue to go well.
PS I'm glad you like my blog, I hate those stupid birthing classes!! hahaha I'm not looking forward to the real thing.
Love ya

RaCHELLE HuRD said...

I have been thinking about you, friend. You have such a bright positive attitude, you are an amazing mommy, and you inspire me to be a better person. **hugs!**

Mrs. Warwick said...

Praying for you Michelle! If you ever need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask. I feel bad because the last few times we've tried to get together it hasn't worked out. If you ever have a free moment on a Thursday, let me know :)

Shay and Kira said...

Michelle you are truly amazing! You have made a difficult situation into a growing experience. You are such a good example and a GREAT Mom! Love you!